OATS, EGG WHITE AND A BOWL!

Alright! What could I do with Oats, egg white and a bowl?

I think I could whisk batter for some absolutely scrumptious, yet healthy oatmeal cake.




WHAT’S COOKING?
I’ve been ‘feeding on’ a lot of cookery shows lately:

‘Passion’ (NDTV Good Times)-

Ritu Dalmia is the flamboyant, chirpy, tomboy restaurateur who prepares and peps up as much ‘dark and devious passion in the kitchen’ as one would want to weave in bed! She’s the true-blue, cocky-cookie, sunny-side up Indian DIVA! (This is incidentally the name of her restaurant)
Believe me, she helps you get great IN BED-oops, I meant great breakfast, lunch and dinner IN BED!

‘Top Chef’ (AXN) –

Do you know what Padma Lakshmi (Top Chef’s host) and Salman Rushdie have in common?
They both were married to each other,
They both divorced each other,
They both are award winning writers (Did you know of Padma’s award-winning "Easy Exotic" cookbook)
I love ‘Top Chef’ signature contestant catfights, knife knots, pataka food and reality-saliva-dribbling cooking.

Reserving a table at ‘No Reservations’ (by the H.O.T. Anthony Bourdain), figuring out that ‘Cooking isn’t rocket Science’ (by Manju Malhi), and living like life was nothing but ‘A matter of taste’ (by Vir Sanghvi) are the other things I’ve been doing as well.

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK! cooks or looks?
Oats, egg white and a bowl definitely have tickled my taste-buds enough.
So is this about a ‘healthy bhi, tasty bhi’ cake?
Unfortunately, NO!

This is not about the TONGUE, the taste-buds, the food pipe or the rectum.
This is about the CHEEK, the face, the glow and the WOW!!!

HEAD-TURNER, BLACK HEAD-REMOVER!
I’m talking about a miracle face-pack that lends you that absolutely fresh look. Many people you know for a very long time, actually look at you face for the first time. ( first hand experience)
1. Get a bowl.
2. Crack an egg on the top, and drain out only the egg-white (albumen)
3. Add two tablespoons of Oats.
4. Stir the mixture,
5. Apply it on your face.
6. Leave it until it dries.
7. Wash off with water.

The process is a little sticky, but it’s a stickler for fresh-facedness, if I may call it that.
And people, you can also get rid of your blackheads, and get heads to take a spin at you!

‘RAISE A ( an EGG) TOAST AND A FEW PEGS TO EGGS’

You may end up smelling a little rotten, but as they say
‘NO GAIN WITHOUT PAIN’.

PRETTY confused WOMAN…

I' M A COLORED COCKTAIL:

Before I get into this, let's see how much you know about cocktails!
These are a few cocktails mentioned below. Take a wild guess at each one's color!!! (answers below)

post in your answers as comments

1. ADAMS APPLE-

a) Pink b) Brown c) Purple d) Amber
2. BAZOOKA-
a) Blue b) Rainbow c) Pink d) Off-white
3. SEX ON THE BEACH-
a) Yellow b) brown c) Green d) Orange
4. ALOE VERA-
a) Blue b) Yellow c) Green d) Black

5. ABSOLUT PITSTOP-
a) Brown b) Purple c) Red d) Black
6. ANTS IN THE PANTS-
a) Red b) Brown c) Black d) Yellow
7. MIMOSA

a) Red b) Rainbow c) Orange d) Brown
8. QUICK F-U-C-K-
a) Red b) Blue c) Green d) Black
9. BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE-
a) Blue b) Yellow c) Off- White D) Green
10. BLUE DEVIL-
a) Blue b) Green c) Yellow d) Brown

10/10 Drunk Skunk- keep walking!
>5 Cheers!
1-5 Camel!
0 Get a LIFE- you don’t drink and you’re color-blind!

HEADY, STEADY, GO!!

Hmm, Go where????

I decided to get into my HEAD the other day. I really wanted to witness what the hell was wrong with my mind. Why wasn’t I ever able to focus on one, single, monotonous unvaried, unitary, unrivaled, unparalleled line of thought? (Pardon the repetition)
I started with a simple question-
Hey Janie, what’s your favorite color?
Pink.. (There I go- that was easy, I was able to picture myself in a pink kurta, near an adorable pink Hutch pug in a pink frock, pink flowers and somewhere felt like Rockstar Pink.)

Suddenly, I remembered Rockstar Pink spelling S.E.X.Y. in a strapping black dress on stage. With that, my neurons went sizzling into jet dark black holes. I could see myself in some siren-hot black bend alongside our very own Karupu (read: black) Superstar Rajni.

Black and WHITE are so much more a couple than Charlie Chaplin and silent movies ever were.
White was obviously the next color I was purifying myself in. What PUTRIDITY?????
Pink, black, white, brown, yellow were forming an entire new palette in my mind: even a rainbow would have learnt new colors from my mind.

Could I ever close in on a unanimous choice?
I guess ‘singledom’ is not wired into my genes.
If I couldn’t choose a simple color, how would I ever choose better things in life?

Careers, men, diets, figure maintenance, hairstyles, PDA’s, countries to settle in, quadruplet childcare, baby diapers, shopping, getting ready for a night out, choosing the right color to offset one’s complexion and figure, matching it all with the right accessories/ cosmetics/perfume/ footwear … - all of them come with ‘no-expiry-date options’ to choose from. It’s like being asked to choose one favorite grain of sand from a never – ending Marina Coastline. Everything comes with an equally disarming number of very delectable options.

When you’re stepping into your LURVER’s house for the first time:
A) You step in with your left FOOT forward.
B) You step in with you right FOOT forward.
C) You jump in with both FEET, so as not to take a chance.
D) You suddenly have COLD FEET about the relationship and stay put outside.

When you’re choosing a sexy black T-Shirt:
A) You pick Size M because it fits you snugly, flaunts your figure- then again, is it a little too snug, are you pinching in your tummy?
B) You pick Size L because it hides the flab, gives you room to breathe a little easy- is it concealing the curves you’re dying to go bold with?
C) You b@@&$ look like flattened tires in this Tee- must you pick a Wired, P#$&-@# to give it the bounce?
D) You wear the XL Tee in the Trial Room, switch on the little fan above ya head, and mime ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt’, and slowly whip it off your head.

When you’re watching an India-Australia match, what are you most likely enjoying?
A) You analyse Dhoni’s masculine ‘legs before the wicket’ and are clean bowled.
B) Hayden calls Harbhajan a.k.a.Bajjie ‘OBNOXIOUS LITTLE WEED!!’ It kind of TURNS YOU ON- like when your boyfriend tells you ‘Youuuuu CRAZZZZZY littleee arseeeeeee’!
C) Sachin was chosen to play in this twenty-20 match, because he has a connection with the Twenty-20 expression- ‘FIFTY-50’
D) You wait to watch the advertisements in between- they inevitably show ‘Yeh kya hua, kaise hua…’condom ads that you otherwise hardly get to see. All's well when balls are well-covered and protected! (We're talkin abt cricket only ;))

Diamonds are forvever! A WOMAN IS EVE FOREVER.
Women want everything; they can’t settle for one thing- ‘EVE’r!
I’m not looking out for a real time remedy, because the first woman EVE herself had ONLY two options-

A) not eat the apple and be happy forever in God’s Paradise OR
B) eat the apple and spell doom for herself, Adam and all the generations to come.

Two options and a bad choice have left us here,
Do you then even reckon the slightest possibility of a woman of today being able to exhibit ‘single-minded’ behavior ever?
Don’t even blame us for it! - BLAME OUR GENES. EVE’S THE FIRST CULPRIT!

Guys/gals- Tell us, in your comments, the most indecisive women in your lives, their most fickle mannerisms and what you consider their most erratic situations!

Answers to a colored cocktail:
1. d) Amber
2. a) Blue
3. b) Brown
4. c) Green
5. d) Black
6 .a) Red
7. c) Orange
8. d) Rainbow
9. b) Yellow
10. a) Blue.

Match the following:

Let’s get back to school! Use you motor skills and match the following!
Post your answers as comments!

1. Match….. ...........................A) (Don’t we women love the hulk n the bulk)
2. Match stick ….................…B) David Hasselhoff- This Baywatch hottie still turns me on)
3. Macho…............................ C) (the following)
4. Machi…….......................... D) (One of the most used, n usually useless expressions in a lovey-dovey conversation)
5. Munch…….........................E) ((ado about nothing)
6. Ltn.Mitch……....................F) Masala
7. (I) mitchhhh (you)…....... G) (Tamil colloquial for dude/dudette)
8. Much………........................H) Food n Rani are always on anyone’s mind)?
9.Mirch.................................I) (the black tip is one hot place to touch!!-and I'm not talking dirty)
Eg: 1.Match.... c)the following.
refer for answers below

That was a simple brain twister to get you started. Now let’s cut to the chase.

UGLY DUCKLING Jann(ss)ie :
I always wondered why everything in life had to match. Turning back the pages of time, I never found any sense in matching stuff. A brown khameez, a green salwar, a pink dupatta and black slip-ons made enough sense to me back in college! I might have probably looked like a clown straight out of the Russian circus!

Still, I didn’t care. I was a carefree lass sipping on life’s lassi, like the erstwhile jassi! I had granny glasses, plain clothes, a simple pony tail and a hell of a lot of unadulterated fun! (Thankfully I never had braces, but yeah, what’s worse- I had two very visibly odd, yellow-tinged artificial front teeth)

BIG (BEAUTIFUL???) SWAN Jane:
Then I had to grow up, and I had to grow out of my ill-kempt self, maybe something like snakes shedding skin, or the ugly larva becoming the colorful butterfly.

I really didn’t know how it happened! Suddenly, I wanted to lose some baby flab(I must admit there was a lot more than baby fat hanging on me), conceal the existing ‘can’t really lose’ flab, throw away those granny glasses and get in contact with color contacts, wear figure-flattering clothes (whatever flabby figure God’s blessed me with) and MATCH THEM ALL WITH APPROPRIATE ACCESSORIES.

You might think that with the transition, I was missing out on all the unadulterated childhood fun!
I’m sorry to disappoint you buddies; I’m on one hell of a roller coaster having VICIOUS, ADULTERATED fun!






HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY!!
DOTS (POLKA INCLUDED) ARE IN THIS SEASON!

Here I’m now, doing a lot of accessorizing in my life. Every accessory is like a little dot lying around, waiting for me to embrace it into my circle of life.
It makes perfect sense to join all the spread out dots and make that beautiful swan!

I hope you can join the dots in your mid and see the (beautiful) swan.

Some of the best dots that I got/get to MATCH MY LIFE WITH, on my way from an ugly duckling to the swan:
a) My 5 beautiful (one handsome) sex-dot friends are the best accessories I can wear- anytime, anyplace. They lend joy to my life and are hardwired as precious gems in my life-garland.
b) Ram & R.A.M(Random Access Memory) My Boyfriend Ram and my job which I’m beginning to like, what with all the HARDWARE that I sell.
Got to tell you we sell a lot of accessories at HP to hike up our margins- will tell you about it someday in my blog.
c) Bourjois
Did you know that Bourjois means ‘everyday’ in French?
True to its name, Bourjois lives with me everyday.
Bourjois blush, Regard Pailllete sparkling kajal (black, blue and green silver sparkle), Effet 3d lip-gloss and pink dust-eye shadow.
d) D.R.E.S.S.ed ( to kill)
For clothes that really fit healthy people- in Chennai, check out Cotton World(UPTO 60% SALE- HURRY), Shopper’s Stop(Chennai’s sexiest kurtis), Globus (for their skirts), Pretty Woman (at LUZ- their salwar khameez materials rock), Megamart (new place, not bad!)and Lifestyle (When you have the money, and the size 4 figure, that is).
Yeah, I loved Delhi! You really get to shop great stuff at rock-bottom prices!
Girls, pack your bags- we’re going there some day!
e) Pubs and partying:
Sparks:
My first Disc experience- Peetu, Dollz, Reks n me danced for the first time on the dance floor. Disco Balls shone brightly on us, with couples having the balls to coochie-coo in public. That’s where we discovered Tequilla shots, Vodka and puckered the gall to drink! Cheers to a ‘HIGH’ Life!
Bike and Barrel (Residency Towers)
My first pubbing experience- the Vodka-orange killer, the Wednesday Lady’s night, the Thunderbolt chicken, the stags on the floor above ogling at all the cleavage below, the smoke filled ambience and the sexy, dirty dancing by your table.
Dublin:
The typical sweaty, claustrophobic, orgasmic drinking/dancing experience!
Pasha:
Yeah, it’s gets as royal as it sounds! Niche partying and classy night outs- Meet a lotta stars right here!
f) Earrings and funky beads:
Can’t miss this- I get my stone studded/elaborate/simple n cute earrings at
· Tank, Mylapore.
· Bessie Koratheez (read gypsies)
· Lifestyle Accessories (atleast here, one doesn’t encounter a sizing problem)
g) Slippers:
Ready to slipper zoze random arseholes with shoes/slippers from
· Soles (My your soles get a soul)
· Lifestyle slipper section (sizez/styles are fortunately available)
· Alsa Mall (100 buks slippers)

h) Muveez and plays
· Tata sky is one of my favorite accessories- I’m back to watching some innovative Reality programming on T&L, Star World, AXN and the zillionth repeat of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Regulars in my life- Hannah Montana, Tats so raven, Phil of the Future, Cory in the house (Nom am I beginning to seem like I’m filling up my Orkut profile..)
· DVD’s from Kris/ Jeff (2 kewl brutherz) (Learnt from Jeff that Pondy is not just the place to get cheap booze but also cheap DVD’s)
· Evam and their plays keep one good-humored over an otherwise mundane weekend (Oh God was at their blasphemous best)

So much of all this really has made a big impact on my life these last three years.
They’ve shifted gears from the most sought after frills/ accessories to hardcore mainstays in my life. I’m loving every minute of my life, and I’m waiting to explore all those hidden treasures in the road ahead!

Matching my life with all these great magic stones that suddenly pop out of deep waters has been, is and will be a wonderful challenge ahead.

Life should be persistently lived on the feet- like you’re always playing at MATCH POINT. You win sometimes, you win a well-fought-out loss at other times; the point being- if you’re playing a match with the intention of winning, you win either ways!
Match up to the Match point!


Ans to Match the Following:
1. C) 2 I) 3 A) 4 G) 5 H) 6 B) 7 D) 8 E) 9 F)

Kabini-Bikini Express.

Wednesday:

Mom: So when are you leaving on your official weekend getaway?
Me: Thursday night- 11 o clock train.

Mom: I talked to Geeta Aunty. She says that Bikini place is beautiful.
Me: Firstly, it is Kabini Ma, and secondly, I know you very well. I’m sure you wanted to verify if the place really existed, and whether it really was a weekend getaway and most importantly, if you could find some reason, threatening enough to stop me from going.

Mom: Chi Chi.. I trust you makale, was just generally asking. She said you could do a lot of things there- trekking, zip riding, rappelling, coracle riding and stuff..
Me: Wowww!! I thought I already told you that! (Grrrrrrrr)You love cross checking, don’t you! (Sarcastic)
Mom: Cross checking- no way makale. But you’ll be crossing the Kaveri. So, be very safe.
Me: (OMG!! Here she goes... grrrrrrrr)
Mom: The waters will be deep. There could be crocodiles. Wear a life-jacket and pray the crocz don’t find you tasty. (Me thinking- Crocodiles???? My mom would’ve given Deepa Mehta all these bold, out of the box ideas on her movie ‘Water’. Maybe, she should have suggested me in place of Lisa Ray- my out of the box thoughts. Like mother, like daughter!)

You have an open leg wound- do have it protected and carry antiseptic. (Me thinking- They have these absolutely cool, brown sprain bandages -I could wind one over my wound, below my Capris that would add a sporty, sassy look to the ensemble. This is what they call, orrre kallula rendu manga. Translates to one stone- two mangoes. Somehow, in English, it makes no sense. )

Geeta Aunty told me that there would be many mosquitoes there-carry a tube of Odomos. No, carry two- you have a large surface area. (Me grimacing!! Then again, Mom has a point.
The Odomos selling volumes are directly proportional to three things:
a) The no. of mosquitoes infesting the country,
b) The no. of stagnant water pools
c) The average size and total surface area of the human body (the larger the more required)

Its going to be chilly at night- carry a few pullovers. (It feels pretty amazing- I already feel like effervescent Kajol with her giggling girlfriends, swathed in fluffy pullovers, right out of their tents, on icy terrain in that song from Sapney. Amazing cinematography! )

Me:Talking about pullovers, take a break from your incessant anxieties- pullover to this imminent thought on my mind.
The thought being- the right trekking and travel gear! Anyways, the Company is funding the trip. So you could spare me some money.

Mom: How much would that be?
Me: 6000 bucks for 3 days.

Mom: Great! Go ahead and get your gear.

Thursday: Shopping starts at 5 pm, train’s at 11.30 pm.….

At 9.00, as I enter home, these are things I proudly display; my train being at 11.30.

A pair of Capris (Shoppers Stop, 34 is no longer is my enemy. 36 is now my yesteryear nightmareJJJCapris sound like extension of capes- the Mask of Zorro kinds; ironic that they should be shortened pants. Humph!): Rs.650
A pair of knee length Shorts (MTV Cool Club. Ah, I need to wax! Would anyone notice unwaxed legs when what would be more prominent would be my bulging love handles? ): Rs.375
A pair of military Capris (MTV Cool Club. I like to camouflage on a forest trek. As it is, I look like a forest elephant. Do I really need to camouflage? That’s food for thought.) : RS. 350
A black and gold sleeveless top (Shopper's Stop. Slurpppppppp….. We have campfires after the trek, you know and a girl needs to be a lil’ dressed after all ;)): Rs. 550
A pair of Adidas shoes (Adidas Store, Nungambakkam. Red and black, with an absolutely cool undersurface, sort of spiked and sexy- they’re supposedly for men, and I bought them. Sounds impossible? Hee- they're Adidas- Impossible is nothing): Rs.2400
An Adidas Backpack (Adidas Store, Nungambakkam. Red and black again, Tats so raven! A girl’s got to match her stuff, you see. There was a bigger, grey backpack for a few extra bucks, but grey doesn’t paint the town RED (n black, oopsie) ): Rs.1250
Spare money for the trip (Acc 2 mom, for emergency only- I know that my 3 day trip would definitely have another fit of shopping emergency. Forget it Mom- write it off. ;)): Rs 1000

650+375+350+550+2400+1250+1500= RS. 6575

Mom: 6000 bucks all for free, and you got to go ahead and do the balancing act by spending it on a shopping spree.
Me: Free.. Spree.. What’s with the rhyming? Mom, you time and again got to go ahead and do the Kindergarten teacher’s act!


I finally managed to pack and leave the house at 9.30. Packing my new stuff with Mom was total fun. We kept laughing over the top-she stuffed in the additional antiseptic, the Odomos, the pullovers and the sprain band aid. All Moms are the same. Phew!

I then knew that some things come at Rs.6000, some at Rs.6575.

But, Some things are priceless- Mommy's love!

(As for Mommy’s bikini jokes, they’re are infinitely priceless)

Kabini, here I come!

The LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLONG and SHORT of DiVeRS itY…


Malls in India are becoming like the ubiquitous Mallus- they are beginning to rear their beautiful, aggressive heads all over the place and in your face (Sreesanth hovering in your head?). Stalling and shilly-shallying in malls and multiplexes over the weekend has become more like a routine drill one monotonously drags oneself through, without really being hit or bit by the monotony. Window-shopping and price-tag-ogling in those exquisite lifestyle stores, pre-booked movie-hogging in an OCS surround sound environment and caramel popcorn-popping in those perfectly plush pushback seats, birdie/birdo-gaping in the verandahs, alleys and free spaces, cappuccino-guzzling/ grenita-gulping/ panino-pelting in a milling café, assorted cuisine/furious fast food- dining or lunching in those exquisite fine dining restaurants/joints has become so much a part and punch of one’s weekend.

If you think I’m attempting to enter the mall maze right here and now, it suffices to say that I, a frequent mallee, am just giving you a blazing introduction to the mall culture; a mallee being my term for a mall addict. The introductions done away with, let’s now get to the core topic stinging my thinking equipment- DEALING with DIVERSITY.

Last week, at a very prominent mall in the city, I happened to cross paths with so many different people/mallees that I couldn’t really help getting all baffled at the striking differences in people- tall and short, fat and thin, short-haired and long-haired, calm and frenzied, haughty and humble, naughty and nice, composed and insecure, well-dressed and ummmm undressed;), svelte and crude, so on and so forth. I stood there observing all these people, never for once realizing that a lot of these people I was observing were doing the same thing as well.

It was then that I understood that jobless people doing the hopeless rounds for free in a public space do nothing but judge the other jobless people around. I repeat: JUDGE, and not observe. Hell, everyone knows that people are made differently, that variety is the spice of life and that some people are ‘differently-abled’, but that doesn’t really stop us from pointing out the differences in harsh, mean ways. When I was trying to observe the contrasting attributes in people, the first two analogies I pointed out were ‘tall and short’ and ‘fat and thin’- how much more judgmental could I get?

From a different perspective, I suddenly saw that people (including myself) are constantly and consistently judging the inconsistencies and incongruities in the people around. In retrospect, I know that judging people is ‘sucky’ (in my language) and yet, I’m such a sucker for passing funny comments about every peeping Tom’s peephole voyeurisms, Dick’s teeny-weeny and Harry’s hairy legs, to enliven the mood among a close-knit group. Cutting a long story short- where is that line between pulling someone’s legs for fun and ‘judging’ someone all wrong?

Is your line short or long, dotted or continuous, finite or infinite, dark or light, straight or crooked.. Oops, I guess i got all judgemental all over again. Some lines can never be straightened.. :)

CROSS MY HEART- I swear by my PROFESSION:

Today, the swirls of coffee aroma are sizzling way beyond the coffeehouse CUPPA- into the lives of Toby, Vodka, Fizza, Mocha (Me) and Rocksta.

So let’s go out there, into their work lives and spill their beans- thereby discovering the little ‘so-called-lies’ that spin their professional lives.

‘THE BEST OSCAR WINNING ACTORS ARE THE BEST LIARS- THEY FAKE IT THE BEST’ -CHRIS.

We all do those parttime lies at our fulltime jobs. Sometimes, it’s the work pressure creeping into our mortal beings, other times; it’s either the plain monotony of the job or our stormy personal lives that get to us. Mostly however, it is the overall business structure and process that implant those lies in us- like tiny time bombs that implode from time to time. Surprisingly, even when we love our jobs, we need to pepper in those tiny white lies for a smooth sail.

FULLY FAKING IT:

Call centers facilitate an entire personality tumble. One has got to fake it all the way- fake the name, fake the accent, fake the intonation, fake the nationality, fake the real you. If you ask me, I have only one thing to say- F*$% THE FAKE. However, the money is a huge luring piece of meat- and it’s for REAL. (Sadly so)

Marketers are the biggest liars, ofcourse. Hefty discounts boast of a 50% off- what one never really notices is the word in small lettering right ahead of the 50%-
up to 50%. Mostly, it’s just a 5-10% sale; that too, more of the end-of-season ageing stocks, defectives, seconds and redundant old designs. At jewellery marts, like the Rathna Stores at T-nagar, Chennai, marketers say ‘Chennayil moonaru’- Rs 666 off for every 8 grams. The Rs.666 is ofcourse more than compensated for by way of the sky rocketing Making Charges and Wastage. (A 56 gram bangle which costs Rs. 53,000 has a whopping Rs.8-10,000 Making Charge/Wastage Component). These marketing gimmicks are lies that employees at these retail outlets have to reiterate.

Can the most conscientious people stay away from these inevitable work mantraps?

Witness the 'LIES AND WORK LIVES' ofToby, Vodka, Fizza and Mocha (me):

VODKA: Boutique Owner/Freelance RJ:

Event: RJ Mirchi Bajji (Vodka) hosting the 9 ‘o’clock ‘Hello Chennai’ show.
What Happens:

VODKA: Gooooooooooooooooooooood Morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrninnnnng Chennai! Chennai is realllllly hot today. So join me, Mirchi Bajji, in pumping the temperatures a red-hot notch higher.
VODKA thinks: (I got up this morning numb from the freezing effect of the Quadricool Hitachi Air- Conditioner, bathed in a cold shower, got transported here in my super cool Swift and got into this ever-frostbiting studio- only the weatherman thinks Chennai is hot. Duhhhhh!!!!)

VODKA: So let’s take our first caller. Hello, who’s this?

CALLER: A very Good Morning Madam. Can you recognize my voice?

VODKA: Pataabi… How can I not recognize the super, unique voice of our most frequent callers?

VODKA thinks: (Unique alright, uniquely hoarse and repelling!)
…. And the conversation goes on..
******************************
TOBY: (Store Manager at a Niche ********* Mall)

Event: Toby supervising a special ‘In-House BRAND’ Promotion in the store.
The Problem: Sales targets are high. Current Sales low. Toby needs to boost sales at any cost.
What happens: A Customer walks out of the trial room in a pair of copper-brown harem pants, looks for her boyfriend- who’s nowhere to be seen and then lays her eyes on Ruby for an appraisal.

Customer: The harem parents look good on me, Right?

Toby thinks: (They’re a little too bunched around the hips, the fork’s all wrong and the length is a little haywire. Whoever said fashion is for everyone?)
Toby: How do YOU feel about them? Today, fashion is all about personal comfort and likes. Fashion’s for everyone! (Inwardly smiles at her tact)

Customer: I’m totally upbeat about them.

Toby thinks: (I make a sale, and SHE likes them after all. Technically, it doesn’t really matter if I think she looks like a gorilla in a bikini. )
Toby: Then, they look Superb!
You like them! You buy them!

******************************

FIZZA: (Real Estate biggie and parttime Event organizer)

Event: Fizza organising Inter Collegiate Fest involving 20 colleges in Chennai. (700-800 college students)
The job at hand: Fizza has to convince the Marketing Head, ***** Cola company, for ***** Cola be the Event Sponsor of a Mr/Ms Fest Show –one of the events at the Inter Collegiate Fest.
Sponsor Amount: Rs. 20,000.

FIZZA: Good Morning Sir. Here are the brochures and program details of the event.

M.Head: (has a look at the brochures and gets an overall event brief from Fizza)
M.Head: How many students are expected to be there? Ballpark..

FIZZA: 1500.
FIZZA thinks: (Rule/White lie no. 1: always double the Head Count. Double the real no. of students 700 )

M.Head: So Apart from the flex banner, name & logo display in the side banners, how do I customize the particular event for ***** Cola, and thereby gain mileage for my brand, wrt our target audience?

FIZZA: You could crown the winners as *****Cola Ms. Fest & *****Cola Mr. Fest. The college kids are going to definitely be having strong ***** COLA BRAND ASSOCIATIONS that way.
FIZZA thinks: (White Lie 2: Which college kid cares too hoots for ***** or any other brand for that matter. They’re just going to be gawking at the sizzling babes and hunks on stage.
BRAND associations.. nahh.. BRA associations. ..yehhh)
…… FIZZA clinches the deal.
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MOCHA: (parttime writer)

All the above enlisted situations (of Toby, Vodka, Fizz) are only matted concoctions of ma fabricating(READ: LYING) mind- in simpler words- I magnify little lies flying in my head, I spin tales - not my problem if these lies are rechristened ‘creativity’.
Heck! Even J.K. Rowling fantasized and fabricated a whole world of wizards.

The icing on the cake- God’s 7 day WORK of creation- creation of water, wind, night, light and life was branded a lie by Charles Darwin (Theory of Evolution).


SO WHAT’S YOUR BEST LIE AT WORK???
Rephrase
SO WHAT’S YOUR WORST LIE AT WORK???
Post your lie as a comment.

CUPPA- TRUE LIES

Alright, its round about now tat I make a few teeny weenie confessions- it’s a little too late, but then again, one’s true colors got to be exposed some day- better late than never.

This is when my face goes all cute and gooey, just to help you empathize with my lying.:

So here are my trueeeee lies(If MTV can, y CAN'T I?!!):

a) Sammy, ma hubby a.k.a. ma Rocksta is not really my hubby- he’s my boyfriend, and well as far as I’m concerned, I jus thought Hubby/BF/Watever…[J]
(And my parents don’t know about him YET ;))
b) CUPPA belongs to Sammy, and HE, and not me spent astronomical money getting it up and about for us and our friends. (geeee).
I just thought, what’s his is as good as mine.
So, that’s as good as it gets. And yeah, I DID help him put CUPPA together. Right from the one-touch Capresso Impressa Z6 Coffee & Espresso Machine to the original Carol Bolton Sofa at Cuppa, I helped choose the pockets where the astronomical money finally spiralled into.

Alright I think I'm on a liar liar spree, itching to say the truth :

c) HEeee chose the Carol bolton Sofa: I jus told him I needed a plush sofa... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Alright Losers, You can gloat over all my lying, and you can revel in my confessions some more, but i betchA, its me gonna have the last laugh, because I know by now that you're dying to open your can of worms and waiting to be liberated. ;)

d) This is the real deal :P - I just asked for Coffee and Making out (:( Why does saying the truth hurt me soooo bad?????) - and he intuitively knew a one-touch Capresso Impressa Z6 Coffee & Espresso Machine machine and a Carol Bolton Sofa were the right answers to ma requests..

Gosh!!! I feel so freE, 100% truthful and completely liberated. (me flyinnnnnnnnnnnnng)

My lieMETER buzzes..

I feel more like downright nitwit with no brains to 'pick' a simple coffee machine.(who am I kidding!!)

Now, I'm lie-free. Cross ma heart!

Look out for ma next post- CROSS MA HEART!!