Are you a CRACK pot????? Crack the code!

Yesterday, I’d been locking horns with a dingy deadline. An article on ‘Why Men don’t cry in Public?’ had been ironically teasing ma tear glands for over two days now. It had to be completed in an hour or so - else, I’d lose that tiny little space I get in a little known magazine, read by an even tinier proportion of Chennaivasis. (SIZE does matter, that’s why I’m a ‘budding’ (read: tiny) writer!) As teary-eyed men began speaking to me in tongues (crying men speak in baffling tones!), I opened ma IBM ThinkPad (if only it could ‘think’ for me!) and powered it on.

All of a sudden, ma PASSWORD ran out on me. It used to be ‘Sammy’ (my boyfriend’s name). After having been badgered by Sammy to keep changing my password for security reasons, I’d triumphantly changed it an old boyfriend’s name only an hour ago (little did he know that my password had originally been his name ;);). In any case, he deserved it for all that pestering!). NOW, I DIDN’T REMEMBER WHICH BF, what with only one more hour to zip the article.

Fortunately, I had the men bawling and crying out loud on my PC as well. I finished my article in peace, and late last night, made a checklist of all my ex’s, narrowed it down to the three guys Sammy hated the most, and unlocked my misery and my ThinkPad after keying in the 3’rd name. Just to satisfy your curiosity, my checklist had four names in all; the fourth one- my first bf at age 4. In fact, Sammy always thought this one to be cute, impotent and insignificant.

Today, only one thought keeps hammering me: What’s with the password? I mean, the world is so system- generated and system-driven with all these gazillion codes, passwords, countersigns, smartcards, ATM cards, fingerprint sensors, barcodes, ID cards, bit locker drive encryption, etc. (I know some of these terms because they are used on laptops I sell).

All these codes were created to preserve our individual identities. In retrospect, are we really losing our identity to these random numbers? Are we drowning amidst the codes coded for us? At the end of it, are only number plates going to adorn our coffins?

In the US, social security numbers (SSN) are issued to citizens, permanent and temporary residents, just as prisoner numbers are allocated to criminals or model nos. are allocated to mobiles.
Name: Austin Biggert.
SSN: 873247123, under section 205(c)(2) of the Social Security Act, codified as 42 U.S.C. § 405(c)(2). (Now, is it just me seeing all the numbers instead of the name???)

Let’s go out there and crack zoze codes; codes that are permuted and combined in the maddening spectrum of limitless numbers, symbols, letters amidst many. Let’s crack zoze codes wired into the lives of Toby, Vodka, Fizza, Mocha and Rocksta.

TOBY: (Store Manager at a Niche ********* Mall)
Interviewing a management Graduate on barCODES on all retail items…

(FYI, practically every item purchased from a grocery store, department store, and mass merchandiser has a barcode on it. This greatly helps in keeping track of the large number of items in a store and also reduces instances of shoplifting )

Toby: What’s a ‘barcode’ to you? Give me smart answers. I need to know how innovative your ‘fresh-out-of-MBA-brains’ are!
Fresher: A barcode is a set of numbered ‘white n black’ lines on any retail item that is as visible as a ‘white and black’ striped ZEBRA on a savannah landscape.
Toby: Good One! Another try?
Fresher: A barcode is essential to help you CROSS the exit doors of a shop- It acts as a ZEBRA CROSSING; white and black lines again.
Toby: Good one again. Anything else?
Fresher: Hmmm….

Use the following codes to find out what they talk of...
They are big, brown and bittersweet.
They are gooey/crunchy/nutty.
They love PERKy Preeti, ready-to-MUNCH Rani and MILKY Amitabh.
ANS: They are ‘CHOCOLATE- BAR’codes.
TOBY: Excellent! You CRACKED THE BARCODE. You’re hired.

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MOCHA: (Parttime writer/me)

Event: Mocha (Chris) and fellow freelance writers at a creative writing workshop.
Process: The creative assignment given out is to break the Da Vinci Code innovatively.
Action: Mocha and Fellow writer team up to break the code.

Fellow Writer: Breaking the Da Vinci Code.
Mocha: Creating a new Da Vinci Code.
Fellow Writer: The Last Supper.
Mocha: The FIRST morsel of Controversy.
Fellow writer: The ‘Lassssssssstttttttttttt???’ Supper
Mocha: Did Jesus and his disciples NEVER EAT AGAIN???!!!
Fellow writer: Jesus took the wine, ‘broke’ the ‘bread’ and gave it to his disciples.
Mocha: All of us here- let’s drink wine, eat bread and ‘break’ the code instead of the bread, as the bread has been broken and eaten enough.
Fellow Writer: Mary (Jesus’ wife) sat near Jesus- Da Vinci version…. 1
John (Disciple) sat near Jesus- Biblical version………2
Mocha: => By 1 & 2, Mary=John.
Fellow writer: Mary & John are the same? A man= A woman???
You mean optical Illusion like the one below- MAN OR WOMAN???

Look carefully AT BOTH THE PICTURES Man or woman???? ------------------------

Mocha: No Optical Illusion. No Confusion. Great Combination. Only Bingo!
Actually just a matter of LINGO!
Freelance writer: Lingam? Are you connecting Hinduism and Christianity now? (Lingam fyi is shiva lingam, representing Lord Shiva)

Mocha: HMMMMMPH. Leave the bread aside. To Crack the code, just EAT BINGO. Let me explain the LINGO.
Today, ‘man’/‘woman’ is just a matter of lingo. ‘Dude’/’Guys’/’Ýaar’ are used for men and women alike.

"The whole Da Vinci Code is captured in one word/idea/concept- ‘UNISEX’'"

Freelance writer: The Da Vinci Code is all about SEXXXX?
Mocha: Nooo, UNIsex as in unisex salons! Today, a John and Mary have identical hair color, texture, style and LENGTH. Both wear earrings. Both do pot, weed and fag. Worse still, you have transvestites/cross dressers where John looks and acts like Mary and vice versa.

'Da Vinci predicted how unisex we’d get in the future, all those years ago. That’s all there is to it.' That was the code. You get it?
Freelance writer: I get the Lingo!
‘NO MALE, NO FEMALE, ONLY HOLY GRAIL!’ right?

Mocha: BINGO! Oops Lingo! You’ve successfully decoded the Da Vinci Code!