Thursday, October 9, 2008

Every Zakir needs his True Light!

Superstars Karan and Soha play Sandeep (San) and Nandita (Nan) in a film titled ‘I’m the Boss’, where they are so sick of their manipulative Boss that they actually hatch a big plan to screw his lovely life, sexy wife and beautiful daughter.
The Dialogues are all in Hindi. I’ve transliterated them into English.

Background: Walking into the Office canteen- Host of food stalls, colleagues in the background)
Scene 10:
Take 2:

Lights. Camera. Action.

Nan: I hate this San- we do all the dirty work, and our F*@*!t^% boss walks away with ALL the credit.’
San: Spot on Nan! It’s like we’re washing all his dirty Van Heusen linen and he walks out as Mr. Spotless White. Fucker- People should actually see how dirty his Jockey ass is: sockeye of SHIT

Background : Table Near the sandwich/Chat stall.
Scene 11:
Lights. Camera. Action.
Take 3:

Nan: The other day, he called me to the Conference Hall when the Big Boss was also there, and I thought they were going to appreciate my work on my Market Survey Report.
Surprisingly, they never referred to the Report and asked me about all the Exquisite Designer Bag Outlets in Town. On my favorite topic, even I loosened up, and bragged about this new, Bottega Bag Outlet that was a Designer steal. In my mind, I was like, ‘Wow (whistle), even these arseholes know how to get a female employee talking and motivated.’

San: Yeah, up until last week- that (pause) was (pause) motivation. Then, it motivated you to kill him, when we found out about their bonuses from our collective Market Survey Reports and their special ‘bag shopping’ for stuffing their wives’ love handles with bootiliceous Bottega Bags.

If that wasn’t bad enough, none of us got our special bonuses for those individual Survey Reports that they had promised early last month. When questioned, moronic ‘Boss’ says, ‘Your bonuses- next month Guys’.

Nan: Next month guys!? Next month guys = (equals to) Next month guys, your asses are going to be screwed harder during OVERTIME HOURS at OFFICE with MORE REPORTS and NO BONUSES / NO PAY while I’m screwing my ugly wife’s arse at home DURING OFFICE HOURS and screwing some hot chick’s arse at the Park during MY OVERTIME HOURS.

San & Nan: URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (with looks of exasperation)


Scene 12:
Take 1:
Nan: We have to screw his life- make it a complete mess.
San: We got to screw his wife and daughter as well.
Nan: God will show us the light.
San: And I will discover his wife and daughter in darkness.
Nan & San: Muhahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahaha!


A loud noise fills the sets.
Zakir, the Lightman threw the lights he had been holding onto the floor.
The Director, the Actors and everyone on the sets stared open-mouthed.

Zakir speaks animatedly,
Lights. Camera. Action.
God, show Zakir, the lightmen the light. We are the ones who’ve been in darkness all along.
What ironic lines in your scenes!
You super stars get paid in crores for a film, sometimes even before the first shoot, and you’re doing a scene about NOT GETTING PAID, and not getting paid ON TIME? We film workers- illustrators, scenic designers, model makers, lightmen, carpenters, painters, electricians, laborers, set decorators, makeup and hairstyling artists, costume designers, etc. get 600 Rs. /day(on an average), and we’re NOT PAID IN MONTHS!
You had a scene that talks of motivation and Overtime working hours. It was a brilliant scene- especially because you stole all the lines from our lives.
As film workers, we love our cinema and we work non-stop; days and nights make no difference to us. You talk of Designer Bottega Bags? We only have swollen EYE BAGS and designer dark circles, thanks to our sleepless and thankless days and nights.
As for all the ‘screwing’ in the scenes, it’s time WE SCREW YOU!
Meet with our BASIC DEMANDS- parameters like improved working hours, payment tariffs and time limit for payment. Until then, we shall stay away from what we love.
It is peanuts for a 3.6 Billion/year Ticket sales Industry.
Give us filmworkers some credit! Every Zakir in this industry needs to be shown HIS TRUE LIGHT

This piece was inspired by the recent three day long Bollywood Film Workers' strike- the first of its kind in 50 years.
“FWICE, the Federation of Western India Cinema Employees went on strike on October 1’st, 2008 The Federation, a UNI affiliate, representing over twenty film employees unions in Mumbai (Bombay) shut down all productions in Bollywood. The action was taken after many members have not been paid for months, in some cases wages had been withheld for up to six months, leaving workers on the verge of starvation. The Federation also includes the Senior Artists Association, which supports the strike. More than 100 films had stopped production. All the studios were shut for three whole days.”


Vinz aka Vinu said...

Interesting..something which i havent read anywhere else.!!


Think Tank said...

thank god u posted finaaly? bechara did they get their wages?

¢яŷştąŁ said...

Where the heck have you been for so long,girlie? :O
Missed ya,mahn!

And yeah,as always,this one wuz good,real good. =D

--xh-- said...

hm.. for a moment, i thought i was reading script from 'a night @ call center'. nah, not for a moment- till the zahir guy came, and when he came, I thought you are taking a shot at the film...

this post kinda disappointed me... not up to ur usual standard... :(

Keshi said...

HAHAHAHA r ya serious Jane???

btw I missed ya sweetie HUGS!

**San: And I will discover his wife and daughter in darkness

lol lol lol!

To be honest can someone hate a boss this much? Scary! I so wanna see this if its real..I still cant believe i lol!



Keshi said...

**believe IT


vishesh said...

ha i didn't know about that...

Sriram said...

good one.. this is something people havent written about.
And I like your way of putting everything in a story!

mayz said...

nice way of puttin it across...u r blogrolled :)

d gypsy! said...

very interesting....

u are tagged...

Meghna said...

uniwuely interest generating with a tinge of hillariousness.....this lovely psot rocks :)

Impressionist said...

lol! that was rather interesting :P


comfortably numb said...

And I will discover his wife and daughter in darkness...super line!!!
nice write up,changes directions quite brilliantly!!!

Keshi said...

where r ya Jane girl?


¢яŷştąŁ said...

Whre are you Janiee? :(

Missin' ya!

Vicky said...

was scrolling real hard to see the darkness ........ disapointed but nevertheless a great post.Hope every Zakir gets his fair share of light/fame and money and darkness


Trinaa said...

muahhahahaha...awesome! :D

Vinni said...

expect you to be completely random and still make sense of it. :)

HP said...


Macadamia The Nut said...

Loved glimpsing this side of my Jane baby!

And yes! You are 100% right! I've always found it ironic that the ones who do all the dog work get paid peanuts while the 'stars' take home vulgar lumps of dough! Does that mean fame is the key here?
Reminds me of 'Animal Farm'

Keshi said...

Jane girl u made me cry with ur dedication to me just now! *HUGZ* that was truly very special!

Wuts going on with ya? r ya happy? is everything getting clearer slowly but surely?

do ya know I always wonder if Jane is happy and if she found work...plz hv hope..yes there's light somewhere there, u'll see it soon. Just stay focused and hv hope.

*MWAH* TC hun n all the best always!


Anonymous said...

Interesting write up...glad to visit your blog!

Beauty and the BEast said...

I like the way you weave real life into your fictional pieces...

keep writing

CяŷştąŁ said...

Come down my blog more often,Janie!
Miss ya!

Nandalal said...

lol. The 'turn over' was fantastic.
Finally, there are miserable ppl like in every field you take.
This one was quite new for me. I didn't notice this news until i came across your post.

Kiran Sawhney said...

very interesting.

Think Tank said...

Jane dahling ..plz plz plz update ur blog

Heart'n'Soul said...

Very Interesting!!!
me is at loss of the wrdsz
wt to does
whr u been btw... not online not on gtalk???
all well

Scribblers Inc said...

that is good work!! Intresting interpretation...It is indeed hightime that disparity in wages is looked into....

Scribblers Inc.

Yasmeen said...

Yep! those hard working camera crew should be paid more that the flimi stars:)
Thanks Jane for dropping by my blog:)

CяŷştąŁ said...

Janee..when the heck you gonna update ? :(

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Woah!Girl you are simply amazing!As usual,you delivered such a wonderful message in your very own funky way of storytelling.Hats off to you :)

Btw,where's the play you had mentioned about on the other blog?

Kiran Sawhney said...

very nice post.


1. Read my latest post 'wear and tear' ON MY BLOG here:PJ4u-----