Wednesday, May 21, 2008

STONED!!!

Prologue:
THE 3 MUSKEJEERS:
The 3 MuskeJeers had nicknames for each other that swiped their personae sharp and clean:

(Beer): He is passionate about BEER, bombshells, their b@@&$ and b*##$, big bucks, and all the good things in life- he leers lustily at whatever appeals to his senses.
(Seer): He is the guy with unusual powers of foresight; he PREDICTS THE FUTURE with great accuracy, hence- the SEER- the MuskeJeers strategist, he plans like every tomorrow was running today. ‘Fear’ pushes and powers him.
(Queer):
Strange are his ways: he’s ‘GAY and funny’- QUEER man! Like his penchant for mens’ rumps and rear-sides, he looks at every situation from the back and every possible corner and angle. He is quick and feminine, like a Deer.

*************************************************************************************
THE HAUTE-HEIST:
(The High-Flying Robbery)


It is dark, silent and ten ‘o’ clock. The 3 MuskeJEERS stand at the Ravi Gaikward residence. Tonight is their night.

BEER jeers, “Crores and crores of ‘Darling Diamonds’. I’ve already begun spending it in my head. Diamonds are a hot chick’s best friend. Just imagine the blue-eyed, hot-assed…..”
QUEER cuts him abruptly, “Blue-eyed?? You might end up getting a black-eye, if we get caught today.”
SEER says, “Guys. Shut up. Let’s observe ‘two minutes of silence’ for the 3 months we’ve been planning and working hard on this ‘haute-heist’: to finally stroke the 3 sachets of sparkling Dazzle Diamonds in Ravi’s locker with sensuous slashes.”

3 MONTHS BEFORE:
3months. Three months since they started working on Ravi Gaikward’s case- Ravi Gaikward, the owner of a 100 year old Diamond Jewellery store Tribhov Bheem Gaikward (TBG), centrally located at the majestic Canberra House, Mumbai. He was a pink-faced, baggy-eyed, rotund man with lards of hard fat insulating the circumference of his stomach. His wife was dead, and he had one daughter named Riah, and a son named Rahul. Beer, the lady-lover that he was, worked his way to Riah’s heart, while Queer being gay ‘drove’ his way through gay Rahul’s arse. Seer became Ravi Gaikward’s most trusted astrologer during the two months.


And how?Simple! One afternoon, he visited the TBG Diamond store. After loafing around for a while, he gave the usher at the entrance a chit to be passed to the owner. The next day, when he returned to the store, Ravi Gaikward himself hugged Seer strong and made him his most trusted astrologer.

And how? Simple! The chit had read, “You will find a stone that will be bigger than the biggest diamond you’ve seen. The stone shall give you a new lease of life- this is your wife’s GIFT from heaven.”

Ravi Gaikward had waited for the big diamond, supposedly sent by his wife the entire day. No supplier had brought forth the foreshadowed diamond. Late that evening, as he walked out of his store, a huge stone had dropped from nowhere, just a foot behind him. He’d escaped death by a split-second.

Ravi removed the chit from his pocket and re-read it. The stone was bigger than the biggest diamond he’d seen (You will find a stone that will be bigger than the biggest diamond you’ve seen.), the big stone hadn’t killed him- it had given him a new lease of life (The stone shall give you a new lease of life), and it was his wife who had saved him from the stone- a new lease of life had been her gift to him (this is your wife’s GIFT from heaven!) Ravi Gaikward was stunned!

Queer sat hidden between the tree-branches near the TBG Diamond Store, smiling after throwing the stone a second after his target moved. He’d just missed his target by a second, as he’d been instructed to do; for a guy who missed his target, he was the happiest assassin.


TWO WEEKS BEFORE:
Two weeks ago, they struck gold, in this case, diamonds.
Seer now spent a lot of time at Ravi Gaikward’s house. As luck would have it, he eavesdropped on a conversation Ravi had with Rahul and Riah:
“I’ve three sachets of my lucky-charm Dazzling Diamonds worth crores & crores, in my bedroom locker- one sachet for you, my son Rahul, one for you, my baby Riah and one for me.
Here are your keys to the locker. You can take these sachets anytime you want. Their individual value is much beyond your combined inheritances.”

BACK TO THE PRESENT:
That happened TWO WEEKS AGO. The 3 MuskeJeers come thumping back to reality. The 2 minute silence is over. The night is young, even the diamond-studded starry sky tells them, ‘Go get the 3 diamond sachets.’

The 3 MuskeJeers huddle once and part.
“Let’s go get rich today.”

And How? Simple!
Seer walks into his 10 ‘o’clock appointment with Ravi Gaikward. Rahul sees Seer go into his father’s room: he stealthily walks out of the house to meet Queer for an hour. They had fixed their love-making appointment for 10pm. “Rahul, you’re losing 21 crores because I’m gay and intelligent and you’re gay and dumb,” Queer thinks to himself.

Beer jumps into Riah’s balcony from the tree. She has been waiting for him for half an hour. It is their first time. “She looks so beautiful naked. God, I got to remember to drug her, and get her key to Ravi Gaikward’s Diamond locker.”

Aloud, Seer tells Ravi: “Close your eyes. ‘Eyelidistry’ is my secret specialty. Let me read your eyelids and predict your future.” Silently, he thinks, “We’re robbing Ravi Gaikward blind, quite literally.”

Half an hour passes. Beer steals his way into Ravi’s bedroom. His eyelids remain shut, Seer keeps babbling on about Ravi’s future. Beer moves forward. With no hindrance, he finds the locker, opens it with the key, picks the 3 sachets and walks away-hypnotized. It has been the easiest robbery in history.

10 minutes later, the 3 muskeJEERS meet at their hideout.
They open a sachet each. They stare at the contents open-mouthed! AGAPE!
They were STONED!

Each sachet contained a third of the big stone that Queer had thrown three months ago.


They went STONE-COLD!
*************************************************************************************
And how? Simple!
EPILOGUE:


Ravi Gaikward's words: “I’ve three sachets of my lucky-charm ‘Darling Diamonds’ worth crores & crores, in my bedroom locker- one sachet for you, my son Rahul, one for you, my baby Riah and one for me. Here are your keys to the locker. You can take these sachets anytime you want. Their individual value is much beyond your combined inheritances.”
-->Ravi Gaikward’s dead wife had saved his life with the stone. His wife was his Lucky Charm. To him, like Beer had predicted, this stone was the biggest diamond. Hence, he’d split the stone in three- one third for him, one third for his son Rahul and one third for his daughter, Riah. He called his wife ‘Darling’-so he called the 3 parts the ‘Darling Diamonds’. He’d intended for the stone to be a talisman of sorts to the children. To Ravi, the stone was priceless- he liked to put them at ‘crores and crores’. He wanted the kids to have their mother’s talisman any time, so he gave them the keys.

Ravi Gaikward had no other diamonds in the locker at home. He kept every other stone in his store, under the blanket of the highest security possible. After all, his family was in the diamond business for 100 years.



37 comments:

Divkiran said...

AWESOME... You've got a gr8 gift girl... not many ppl can write so well, especially stories like the ones on your blog :)

Its fun readin your stuff.. well done once again

--xh-- said...

man, this oen is super... you got the flair and style... :D never thought the 'darling diamonds' will be the stone :-D

thnks, you put a huge smile on my face today morning...

Chriz said...

hahahaha... wonderfully presented

Riah.. i liked the name... sounds close to renu's ..
and sathyabhama.. jane.. i had a doubt... haha..
i know you .. know you girl...

your story knitting skill is top class... reminds me of Frederick Foresyth..

cool.. pint of lemon added to my morning tea...

keep your style intact...

rantravereflect said...

ahhhh.. doooo i know you!!!:):):):)

rantravereflect said...

div-->
thanks a ton 4 posting ya comment as soon as i posted :)
n yeh, will try n make it as fun as possible :)

xh-->i'm soooo glad i put tat smile on ya face :) this feels soo gooooddd..

chriz-->
renu sounds like riah, now i 'm assumin renu is ya wife :) is she?
well, by ya analogy, ya must be beer then, but i dun think ya're a flirt ;) or, are ya??pint of lemon in ya morning tea- wahhhhh- i'm glad to get ya all tangy in the mornin:)

Chriz said...

renu is my dream project... check out my earlier posts... soon to come in buk form * wink*

and abt the flirting part... ponnu hunting going on at home.. so me the very good boy now a days you see

crasiezt said...

Good one girl!! I liked the whole prologue-epilogue thing:-) Very neat!

PS: Am I good at guessing or what...when the guy said "lucky charm" I thought it would be the stone:D
You know, one of these days you should write a regular story with a predictable end and fool all of us:D

crasiezt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Preeti said...

Haha! NICE! Reminds me of this dumb story i had written for that Gokulam magazine once...All for a stone...have i told u abt it???

Bitch, letz meet up...miss u :(

love u alwayz panni

muah!

Prathi:-) said...

di... dis was DAMNNNNN gooood:)
I swear… I came across this blog b4 u even told us… btw… as usual… ur climax was super cool;) I knew der wud abe a hitch smwhr…. But didn’t expect it to be dis;)
Im telling u… ur gifted:) u really r… u shud be in the creative side of thngs:)

Love ya soooo much di:) muaaah
and ya.... plsssss lets meet up today...
muah!!! byeee:)

RAMPRAKASH said...

girl ur rocking day by day.u have got every damm tng(flair,style,literature ........) in ur writing.

it was gr8 fun reading it.

continue ur gr8 show

Shruti said...

wah! class! whatta story girl! so well crafted :-D

Gonecase said...

I was able to make out that something should be fishy this time too :P

Nice read, you are a good story teller!

P.S.: Page was like that because you might be using old version of Internet Explorer as your browser, fixed it up for that :)

black coffee said...

hahahaha!
that was lovely!!
you do hav a gift of writing dear girl! and am blogrollin you! :)

Cinderella. said...

I have been to your blog when you first visited mine, and know what I read every single of your entry on this page, and even some older ones...

One word for you lady - awesome ! You are just awesome...the humor - the wit - the words, et all. But I was so damn lazy to comment that day, I just wanted to read you, and thought would get back later to comment...but never did...sheeesh, that was crappy of me....

Anyway, again, this post also came across as your typical funny and innovative style. Loved it !

I'm gonna be back. Keep the pen flowing.

:)

Smokin Joe said...

Good One! ;-)

I was really surprized to see the end, I normally dont watch movies, so my guessing powers is a bit bleak!

But great work.. i need to go back to ur older posts now to get the same fun i guess

Macadamia The Nut said...

Girl! I'm TOTALLY floored! TOTALLY!
It's been ages since I've read such an original tale.

I've got me eyes on ya me girl... be afraid, be very afraid

;)

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

amazing!!! i cannot believe how cool it was the way you write it all out... love your blog... adding it to my blogroll...

Gayatri said...

haha.. I kinda guessed the ending but how it got there was pretty interesting! your characters are always so vivid and full of life.. atta girl!

vishesh said...

ROFL :) was damn good :)

elusive said...

wowwiee!Man i shud start callin u jeffie archie frm nw on ;) lol awesum stuff this..and hey i loved the side bar picture its damn cute :)

Mishra said...

amazing storytelling !!

Keshi said...

LMAO this is sooo funny!

And tnxx for dropping by my blog :)

Keshi.

Sachin said...

Awesome is half said........ i have been reading ur blog for some time now ............ believe me i have never been disappointed, U write very well ......... i guess u should write a short story book, it will be hit big time...........the only issue with ur post is......all this bright colors that u use :)

Sachin said...

i hope i am not being to critical .

bye

gunj said...

effin good!
awesome read!

Beauty and the BEast said...

Gosh! You really do think things through!

It was a perfect spoof!

I loved reading every bit of it! You know what was the best part though? I did not scroll down to see how much more I really had to read to reach the end :P

Crimson Feet said...

hahahah... too good!... super hilarious and perfectly modulated... doesn't matter if one can guess the ending,... the whole reading process is enjoyable...!!

i love the idea of the three muskejeers... u shud have more in this series (and isn't that how demanding readers affect creativity ;) )
... bloody good you are!!

crasiezt said...

New look! Nicey nice:-)
Thanks for the blogroll girl. Adding you too:-)

rantravereflect said...

chriz-->all teh best with teh ponnu hunting :)waiting to get a glimpse of renu:)

crasiezt-->

yehhh one of these days , i'm gonna fool ya alll--n danr ya girl, ya guess 2 well:)

preei-->
what was thet story 'all about a stone'?:)loveee yaaa..

prathi-->
waiting to go into a creative writin career- i will someday :)
loveee ya too.. mwuahhhh

ram-->
ya're my pillar of strength!mwuaah

shruti-->
yehh, will keep craftin!:)

gonecase-->
yehhhhh, i'm a fishy woman--- hope i dun stink;)

rantravereflect said...

black coffee:
hope i add a lil' sugar in ya cuppa coffee:)
ya're blogrolled as well:)

cinderella:
darnnnn sweet of ya to have cum back n commented..- i'll call ya 'romantique'
n thanks a ton for all ya compliments- i'm floored!:)

smokin joe:
yehhhh, i'm sooo glad ya weren't guessing, n ya were reading!thanks a ton!mwuaaaaaaaah!

mac the nut:
heeee.. ya've got my eyes on me!!!
well, i'm shit scaredddd::(:(;)
i'm becoming ya 'death by gauntlet!!':(:(;)

bubbles of fw:
:)woman ya're one bubbly woman- thanks for lovin it,meeee blogrolled ya as welllll:)

rantravereflect said...

gayatri-->
yehhhh, thanks woman!!
heee, so ya guesssed, nexxt time, i'll work harder;)

vihesh-->
heee, nice2 see ya rotfl.. :)keep rollin!

elusive-->
jeefie archee! yupperz!!!! now izz tat a joke?;)like ya episode at cannes?
n yehhh, abt the pic, no one can be as classy as ya- ya wyd ya biggg earrings ;)

mishra-->
thanks a ton man!

keshi->
ya blog is super-sexy!

sachin-->
i hope i've taken care of teh colorz!!:)

gunj-->
effin thanks:)

beauty n the beast-->
woahhhhh! thanks so much for readin the whole thing!! yuppperz!!!! where's teh beast in ya girl-ya're such a beauty!

crimson feet-->
ya'll see more of beer, leer n queer, heee, n i hope there will be no stop gap as far as cretivity goes ;)

crasiest-->
yehhhh,
new look!!
heeeeee:)

Gonecase said...

Nope :D

The Techno Maniac said...

well.. you had me stumped this time.. I did have a tiny tinge pulling me somewhere on not to trust the story line.. nevertheless, i was carried away by beer's antics.. and activities (may be)

Cheers,
You Know WHo

The Techno Maniac said...

well.. you had me stumped this time.. I did have a tiny tinge pulling me somewhere on not to trust the story line.. nevertheless, i was carried away by beer's antics.. and activities (may be)

Cheers,
You Know WHo

Nitu said...

Awesome ..what u give always comes back to..even a stone !!! moral of the story :)

AnGeliC dEmOn- said...

Wonderful!!..
The catch of a story..you know the kind you can't leave in the middle for a CUPPA =D

Story knitty skill..i bet..it'll win you accolades!!


*cheers*
btw whats yr actual name and..


KUDOS TO YOU!!


Aayushi.

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