Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Are you a CRACK pot????? Crack the code!

Yesterday, I’d been locking horns with a dingy deadline. An article on ‘Why Men don’t cry in Public?’ had been ironically teasing ma tear glands for over two days now. It had to be completed in an hour or so - else, I’d lose that tiny little space I get in a little known magazine, read by an even tinier proportion of Chennaivasis. (SIZE does matter, that’s why I’m a ‘budding’ (read: tiny) writer!) As teary-eyed men began speaking to me in tongues (crying men speak in baffling tones!), I opened ma IBM ThinkPad (if only it could ‘think’ for me!) and powered it on.

All of a sudden, ma PASSWORD ran out on me. It used to be ‘Sammy’ (my boyfriend’s name). After having been badgered by Sammy to keep changing my password for security reasons, I’d triumphantly changed it an old boyfriend’s name only an hour ago (little did he know that my password had originally been his name ;);). In any case, he deserved it for all that pestering!). NOW
,
I DIDN’T REMEMBER WHICH BF
, what with only one more hour to zip the article.

Fortunately, I had the men bawling and crying out loud on my PC as well. I finished my article in peace, and late last night, made a checklist of all my ex’s, narrowed it down to the three guys Sammy hated the most, and unlocked my misery and my ThinkPad after keying in the 3’rd name. Just to satisfy your curiosity, my checklist had four names in all;
the fourth one- my first bf at age 4. In fact, Sammy always thought this one to be cute, impotent and insignificant.

Today, only one thought keeps hammering me: What’s with the password? I mean, the world is so system- generated and system-driven with all these gazillion codes, passwords, countersigns, smartcards, ATM cards, fingerprint sensors, barcodes, ID cards, bit locker drive encryption, etc. (I know some of these terms because they are used on laptops I sell).

All these codes were created to preserve our individual identities. In retrospect, are we really losing our identity to these random numbers? Are we drowning amidst the codes coded for us? At the end of it, are only number plates going to adorn our coffins?

In the US
, social security numbers (SSN) are issued to citizens, permanent and temporary residents, just as prisoner numbers are allocated to criminals or model nos. are allocated to mobiles.
Name:
Austin Biggert.
SSN: 873247123, under section 205(c)(2) of the Social Security Act, codified as
42 U.S.C. § 405(c)(2). (Now, is it just me seeing all the numbers instead of the name???)

Let’s go out there and crack zoze codes; codes that are permuted and combined in the maddening spectrum of limitless numbers, symbols, letters amidst many. Let’s crack zoze codes wired into the lives of Toby, Vodka, Fizza, Mocha and Rocksta.





TOBY: (Store Manager at a Niche ********* Mall)
Interviewing a management Graduate on barCODES on all retail items…

(FYI, practically every item purchased from a grocery store, department store, and mass merchandiser has a barcode on it. This greatly helps in keeping track of the large number of items in a store and also reduces instances of shoplifting )

Toby: What’s a ‘barcode’ to you? Give me smart answers. I need to know how innovative your ‘fresh-out-of-MBA-brains’ are!
Fresher: A barcode is a set of numbered ‘white n black’ lines on any retail item that is as visible as a ‘white and black’ striped ZEBRA
on a savannah landscape.
Toby: Good One! Another try?
Fresher: A barcode is essential to help you CROSS the exit doors of a shop- It acts as a ZEBRA CROSSING
; white and black lines again.
Toby:
Good one again. Anything else?
Fresher:
Hmmm….

Use the following codes to find out what they talk of...
They are big, brown and bittersweet.
They are gooey/crunchy/nutty.
They love PERKy Preeti, ready-to-MUNCH Rani and MILKY Amitabh.
ANS: They are ‘
CHOCOLATE- BARcodes.
TOBY:
Excellent! You CRACKED THE BARCODE. You’re hired.


............................................*****************************............................................

MOCHA:
(Parttime writer/me)

Event: Mocha (Chris) and fellow freelance writers at a creative writing workshop.
Process:
The creative assignment given out is to break the Da Vinci Code innovatively.
Action:
Mocha and Fellow writer team up to break the code.

Fellow Writer: Breaking
the Da Vinci Code.
Mocha: Creating
a new Da Vinci Code.
Fellow Writer: The Last Supper
.
Mocha:
The FIRST morsel of Controversy.
Fellow writer: The ‘Lassssssssstttttttttttt???’ Supper
Mocha: Did Jesus and his disciples
NEVER EAT AGAIN???!!!
Fellow writer: Jesus took the wine, ‘broke’ the ‘bread’ and gave it to his disciples.
Mocha: All of us here- let’s drink wine, eat bread and ‘break’ the code
instead of the bread, as the bread has been broken and eaten enough.
Fellow Writer: Mary (Jesus’ wife) sat near Jesus-
Da Vinci version…. 1
John (Disciple) sat near Jesus- Biblical version………2

Mocha: => By 1 & 2,
Mary=John.
Fellow writer:
Mary & John are the same? A man= A woman???
You mean optical Illusion like the one below- MAN OR WOMAN???


Look carefully AT BOTH THE PICTURES Man or woman???? ------------------------


Mocha: No Optical Illusion. No Confusion. Great Combination. Only Bingo!
Actually just a matter of
LINGO!
Freelance writer: Lingam? Are you connecting Hinduism and Christianity now? (Lingam fyi is shiva lingam, representing Lord Shiva)

Mocha: HMMMMMPH. Leave the bread aside. To Crack the code, just EAT BINGO. Let me explain the LINGO.
Today, ‘man’/‘woman’ is just a matter of lingo. ‘Dude’/’Guys’/’Ýaar’
are used for men and women alike.

"The whole Da Vinci Code is captured in one word/idea/concept-UNISEX’'"

Freelance writer: The Da Vinci Code is all about SEXXXX?
Mocha:
Nooo, UNIsex as in unisex salons! Today, a John and Mary have identical hair color, texture, style and LENGTH. Both wear earrings. Both do pot, weed and fag. Worse still, you have transvestites/cross dressers where John looks and acts like Mary and vice versa.

'Da Vinci predicted how unisex we’d get in the future, all those years ago. That’s all there is to it.' That was the code. You get it?
Freelance writer: I get the Lingo!
NO MALE, NO FEMALE, ONLY HOLY GRAIL! right?

Mocha:
BINGO! Oops Lingo! You’ve successfully decoded the Da Vinci Code!



6 comments:

Srini said...

Chris:)

This was HILLARIOUS beyond ordinary stomach aches, particularly your take on the Da Vinci Code, where you arrive at all sorts of equations and conclusions like Hinduism equals Christianity, John equals Mary and Man equals Woman. And as usual, the supposedly tangential me, not knowing whether I am supposed to take the lines for their shining humour or sublime content did the latter and found out that beyond all the laughter, you are saying something rather serious without the effort:) Hats off!


And about ppl being reduced to numbers, you are cent percent true. W/H. Auden's "Unknown Citizen" precisely handles this problem - where a citizen is merely reduced to certificates, numbers etc from birth to death.

Once again great one! Keep them coming

beetlejuice said...

ok...as alwayz...im still a lil confused abt watz bein said..esp the bar cide part...i guess im juz a lil too dumb to keep up...i read sriniz comment n i knew tat im the only one who prob wudnt get it!waaahhh!

but yet...mayb u can xplain it to me in person sometime soon...as alwayz :D

luv ya di panni!

The Techno Maniac said...

Hullo,

There are days, which I clearly remember that you would not understand what a touch pad is (and you wont even allow me to touch your laptop either, and made me regret hevily, after using your laptop twice!) and now you talk about "bit locker drive encryption". Impressive.. very impressive..

I generally dont interfere in your Love life, as I realised in our past that some thing goes better unsaid :).

I like the concept of the Da vinci thingy, you have taken efforts to explain the book in simpler terms and yes, you have made it possible, within 4 para, you not only explained the da vinci code, but also marketed for the unisex saloons. If they use your ideas creatively, maybe they will have more business.. :D

The Blog of yours is very intrestin by the pictrues associated with the text.. Overall.. a good read.. Keep writin..

Luv
Techno Maniac

Winds of Change said...

hey gurl...

i did kinda get it here n thr....but it wuz kewl....:) nowadays sum1z all hi-fi hi-tech hahahaha....but it is funny v gotta use soooooooooo many passwords...its all around!!

rup

Ken said...

but hey, do you know about what lingam represents? ;) you shud have!

Prathi:-) said...

hey baby:-)
hehhehe super cool blog...
i guess the bingo effect has taken a huge toll;-) nwz.. nice read baby:-)
btw i wud request u to address some more controversial... super scintillating topics... really... den we can hav an amazing disscussion:-)
love u baby...
missing u so much di... u dnt spend time wth nymore nwdays:-(
nwz take care baby:-)

UPDATES ON MY OTHER BLOG :)

1. Read my latest post 'wear and tear' ON MY BLOG here:PJ4u-----