Wednesday, September 5, 2007

RUNNNNNN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Reebok: The Road is open. RUN!
Indian Airlines: ‘Frequent Flyer Program’ - This is the FASTEST way to fly free!
Aaj Tak:Sabse TEZ!
Western Union: The FASTEST way to send money worldwide.
Nike+: Run like you’ve NEVER RUN BEFORE.

Fast, Faster, Still Faster, want it the Fastest- that’s the motto we live and die by today.

Life around us sometimes spins so freaking fast that even the spinning earth seems like the slumbering hare in the antediluvian hare-tortoise saga.

Today, an 8 –old kid in shorts shorter than the strands of hair on his balding Papa’s head says ‘Papa, I want an XBOX 360 with the Ring of Light, XBOX Live, Digital Entertainment and personalized Console- ekdam tez’

No longer is that squeamish pimple or that first strand of moustache peeping from the deep follicles the conventional ‘innocence-marring’ mark of the teenager. Today the pure sins impugning a 13 year-old teen’s innocence would more typically be a fully loaded Motorazor razoring his motions akin to a Zorro Sword, and a sleek, sexy, APPLE iPOD nano clipped to his T-shirt, and more tempting to the eyes than the adjoining Adam’s apple.

Making the world smaller is like a never-ending purpose of life. Getting 2000 songs onto one iPOD nano is like the best, fastest way as compared to an age old granny gramophone. Granny Gramophones? Maybe they should change the Granny-Gramophone sounding Grammy Awards to the PODdys Awards or NANOs Awards or something! Agreed- it’s SHADY; I apologize- I couldn’t hold back the quip.

Here’s a humorous take on how fast our lives get!

Me (mocha) on a Sales Call:

Customer:
I want the fastest workstation (advanced PC), with the fastest proc, probably a Dual Core8 AMD Opteron 3 Gig Proc, running on a 64 bit XP Professional OS, with a RAM as high as 32 GB (8*4GB).

Me (Mocha): What is it that you would need with such a fast machine?

Customer: To run my business applications ASAP.

My take on HIS ‘Hidden Agenda’:
To wash my hands off work ASAP, run home ASAP, be the perfect househusband- cook and clean (the house/clothes/vessels) ASAP, get the kids’ to do their homework ASAP, ‘satisfy’ my wife ASAP, sleep ASAP and get up ASAP.

Selling is more about providing the right solution to ‘HIDDEN, UNEXPRESSED’ problems.

I came up with an ingenious solution to his problem. Guys, I bet you never would have seen better tailor-made solutions than what I’ve to offer.

WRONG SOLUTION:
For the Fast machine: A HP xw9400 Workstation- The technical specs are bla.. bla..
I’M BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE.

For the real Problem:
Here’s a detailed spec-by- spec solution:

OPTIMIUM SOLUTION:

Prob: To run home ASAP-
Sol: Dispose your status-ridden Innova, bite a ‘Bullet’- Royal Enfield bikes take you home faster and make you look hipper and zippier.
(The looks part is of course an add-on benefit the customer garners)

Prob: Cook ASAP
Sol: FAST foods- all you need is 2 mins! This is why two-minute noodles, ‘Ready-to-eat’ foods, ‘Frozen’ sausages/chicken breasts/hamburgers/nuggets, Saif’s Lays and Juhi’s Kurkure have fast risen on popularity charts.

Prob: Clean the house ASAP
Sol: Vacuum-clean your house. Vacuum your head of all worries. (If your worries are your wife and kids, then yeah, we’ll try and get you time machines- you can parcel them off to the past /future)
(Preeti, u know ma obsession with time machines;))

Prob: Clean the vessels ASAP
Sol: I know you’re not an empty vessel Sir. So, noiselessly dish out a dishwasher!

Prob: Clean the clothes ASAP.
Sol: Fully automatic washing machines. Today the clothes not only come out washed, they come out dried (you can blow-dry your wife’s hair in the drier as well, her hair’s probably worth only that), stainless (put your wife’s stained conscience in, I believe they use orbit white in washing machines), smelling like flowers (you only wish your wife smelled that way)

Prob: Get the kids to do their homework ASAP!
Sol: You think 2+2=5. So, if you want them to do it fast, just hold on to your horses and mathematical horse blinds- they’re going to do it fastest on their own.

Prob: ‘Satisfy’ your wife ASAP.
Sol: Viagra helps you get her and you flowing faster than the Niagara.

Prob: Sleep ‘ASAP’
Sol: If you’re satisfied, you don’t need sleeping pills.

Prob: Get up ASAP.
Sol: Come on, I helped you GET UP once with Viagra. Now, to get up once again, you get yourself a COCK[;)] to crow. (pun intended)
No, you BIRDbrain, I didn’t ask you to get yourself two birds- a cock and a crow; I just asked you to get yourself a cock that wakes you up with its 5 am 'cock-a-doodle-doo' or more locally, ‘cuck-a-ro-ko-ko’.

BEST SOL:


Be truly fast! Bit the bullet! Bite a new, young Girlfriend! You probably won’t need the Viagra! Make all the noise you want- you and your GF can be empty vessels leading a careless life-ditch the dishwasher! Your new GF will get wet and dry naturally(hair n otherwise)- chuck the drier, young women today smell great and use orbit white/happy dent /whisper ultra(no stains); forget the washing machine! At 5 am, you need no cock to crow; the gf gets you and you c*@$ up. Kids’ homework- 2+2=5 for you- You never really could do anything in the homework dept anyways.

Runnnn for your life!
The faster you run, the more weight you lose Sir, and the better Gf you can get!
It doesn't really matter if you use Reebok or nike- The Road is open!Just do it !(swoosh)

3 comments:

beetlejuice said...

another interestin one from the handz of janie wanie![hand cuz itz typed :D]

fast certainly is a way of life...n i agree tat the earth wud really seem to b crawlin in comparison to any one person! inspite of allllll the hype to 'slow down' n 'take it easy' the sheer necessity to mke it somehw somewhr seemz to b the priority....unfort or fortunately for me, tingz still r goin verryyy slowww!hehe...in all aspects ;)

one thing...talkin abt ipods...i tink its hi time u get ur tiny clip on thingie chkd n start usin it...it really does store 200+ songz n really is cool! ;)

iv already talked abt kidz n their gadget obsessions earlier...so...i dnt wanna gt thr...itz actually a pretty sad ting...another ting tat irks me BTW :D

keep the posts comin baby...luv ya panni :)

The Techno Maniac said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Techno Maniac said...

Good one jane.. But lemme tell you one thing.. you ought to be fast in business, not necessarily in your personal life. The more patiently, you clean your house, the cleaner it becomes. The more time you take satisfying your spouse, longer will the satisfaction remain, just imagine a situation if your spouse loses the strength just because he/she was fast.. Your satisfaction will be very limited.. So SLow down.. that can be an excuse! the slower you think, the better your decison will be. Many of our wrong decisions are those taken on the spot da. Thats what I see and have experienced. Those matters in which i have thought for quite some time, I have ended up smiling, but there are certain fast decisions and actions I have done in my life, I( have regretted, you know my recent decison i presume?.. SO take it slow babe.. SLow and steady wins the race. Its not important that you do it slowly, you need to be steady. And if you are nt steady, you may stumble. So Slow and Steady.. thats the way your personal life should be.. In business it has to be fast babes.. because, if you re not, there is always another choice.. Dont mix business and personal life..

Mixing it, you will only end up screwing both places.. So SLOW and the most important thing associated with it.. STEADY!

Luv
Techie

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